in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
