i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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