Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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