oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize