I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i out mim tonsoeep
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
