im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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