ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
