Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
