There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
