So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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