question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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