i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
