Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
