finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
