take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
