WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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