Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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