that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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