i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
