I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
