he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
