Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
