1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
