Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
