Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
