sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
