i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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