Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Acid is not a monday night drug
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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