One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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