Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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