John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
