If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
