Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
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