I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
