So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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