My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize