I need help removing her.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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