i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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