Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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