remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize