Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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