She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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