I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
