He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize