Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
