smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
