You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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