I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
