Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize