I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
