matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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