I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize