Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
