Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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