Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
