I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
