If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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