you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
my liver is dry heaving
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
