dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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