I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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