So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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