I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
