Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
