He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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