In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
