so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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